“You can do 99 things for some people and all they will remember is the one thing you didn’t do.” ~PowerOfPositivity
People. Pleasing. Does. Not. Work!
It is not sustainable. People-pleasing was never meant to be a sustainable relationship. It will wear you out and make you resentful and very unhappy. And, in the end, it will never really please the other person in the way they want to be pleased.
We are all here, physically, to experience a great relationship with Ourselves, Non-physically (spiritually, eternally). When that relationship is not at its best, we look outside ourselves to shore up the feeling of the alignment we are seeking within Ourselves. But, that outside-seeking is never going to satisfy our need for alignment within, so it will never please us and make us happy enough to live a joy-filled life. We will always feel dependent upon others to do the job we intended to perform to gain our personal alignment with who we really are.
Please stop trying to please others at the risk of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion on your part! It is futile.
None of us came to this physical life with the purpose to please others and make sure they were happy. We came to this life with the purpose of living joyful, creative lives. Never dependent on anyone else for our happiness or our alignment.
That means…each of us! That doesn’t mean some of us came to be pleased and some of us came to be pleasers! We each came here knowing that it was solely our job to be happy–without anyone else’s help–or demanding anything from anyone. No control. No demands.
How do I know this?
I know this because of how it makes me feel when I succumb to people-pleasing tactics. I feel like sh*t! When I get stuck doing something for someone that I never wanted to do in the first place, but did it anyway out of responsibility or obligation. You know the feeling–you start to get tense, maybe your stomach churns or get a lump in your throat. You start to resent having to do something, again, for this one who always seems to be so good at needing emergency help, or in-a-bind-favors. Over and over again. It gets very exhausting!
Besides your mental and emotional stress, all that tension and resentment is taking a toll on your physical body. Your body is very sensitive to the vibrational frequencies you are emitting through your thoughts and emotions. If your emotions are out of whack–imagine what your poor body is going through??? Pretty soon, you’ll have a reason not to extend any more favors, because your body will create an illness, pain or disease that will prevent you anyway.
I’m NOT saying you can never do something for someone else. Not at all! If you can do something for another person and you can stay aligned and happy in the doing of it–then by all means–follow your heart!! It can be an amazing delight to be a help to another person!
I’m talking about the repetitive cries for help that never seem to end. Sometimes they tend to get bigger and more time-consuming. You’d like to tell them to get their sh*t together and get a life. They are not the center of your world–you are!
If we feel taken advantage of, it time we must learn to set boundaries. Takers tend to step and stomp all over their helper’s lives. Taking no notice of the inconvenience and expense they may cause another. So, setting boundary lines is the only way to stop the abuse.
Setting boundaries is our opportunity to think different thoughts. Obviously, we have attracted the time and energy vampires by our previous vibrational thought patterns and beliefs. We invited people to demand our time and energy by thinking thoughts of our not enough-ness. Beliefs that we must serve others before our own needs and desires. That being selfish with my time and resources is wrong. That it is better to give than receive! Thinking, if I can just change my behavior enough to please him/her, then I will be appreciated and accepted. Bullpucky!!
You can’t keep serving from an empty pitcher. Self-care is necessary and life-sustaining. Time and resources are solely ours to keep or share at our bidding. Giving and receiving are two sides of the exact same coin–they are equal! We can never change our behavior enough to please anyone for any length of time–because they are always changing what they want us to be, according to their whim of the day.
When someone is truly in need and we can feel good while we are performing the favor, then by all means, do it! Delight in serving another. But, never, ever perform a favor for someone if you are doing it out of dread, fear, obligation, guilt, resentment–you get the picture. This attitude will not truly help them or yourself. Only perform favors when you are happy and truly glad to help out. Our alignment with who we really are is the guiding inspiration regarding any action to be performed. If it feels good–do it!
On the other side of this, we may need to question if we are the person who is not appreciating the favors of time and energy someone have given us. Are we the one who constantly demands favors from others? Are we the one who is not appreciating the 99 things people do for us and only remembering that one thing they didn’t do? Are we holding a grudge for that one little thing left undone?
If we are a time and energy vampire, it’s time to focus upon our own alignment with our inner being and let go of the need to control others’ behavior to make us feel better. Feeling better is truly what we are looking for–which only comes through our alignment with our Inner Source. Maybe it’s time to take up our own job of alignment with our inner being and begin thinking in new ways that help us feel better and better. Maybe it’s time to change some beliefs–that others owe us, that we are the center of everyone’s universe, that we are the victim and we can’t help that everyone’s out to get us, that we simply cannot help ourselves.
Look for things to appreciate. If someone is doing something for us, tell them how much we appreciate all their help. Make lists of things we appreciate about our life and the part others play in our experience. Look for positive aspects of all that comes our way.
The more we make the effort to live a life of appreciation, the more the universe feels this new shift in vibration and will bring us more things to appreciate! Remember and make a list of all the 99 things done for us. As we focus appreciation for the 99 things, we’ll not even remember the one that didn’t get done. It won’t even matter!
All is Well!!
YOUR Life & Wellness Coach