Remember the 99 and Set Boundaries

“You can do 99 things for some people and all they will remember is the one thing you didn’t do.” ~PowerOfPositivity

People. Pleasing. Does. Not. Work!

It is not sustainable. People-pleasing was never meant to be a sustainable relationship. It will wear you out and make you resentful and very unhappy. And, in the end, it will never really please the other person in the way they want to be pleased.

We are all here, physically, to experience a great relationship with Ourselves, Non-physically (spiritually, eternally). When that relationship is not at its best, we look outside ourselves to shore up the feeling of the alignment we are seeking within Ourselves. But, that outside-seeking is never going to satisfy our need for alignment within, so it will never please us and make us happy enough to live a joy-filled life. We will always feel dependent upon others to do the job we intended to perform to gain our personal alignment with who we really are.

Please stop trying to  please others at the risk of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion on your part! It is futile.

None of us came to this physical life with the purpose to please others and make sure they were happy. We came to this life with the purpose of living joyful, creative lives. Never dependent on anyone else for our happiness or our alignment.

That means…each of us! That doesn’t mean some of us came to be pleased and some of us came to be pleasers! We each came here knowing that it was solely our job to be happy–without anyone else’s help–or demanding anything from anyone. No control. No demands.

How do I know this?

I know this because of how it makes me feel when I succumb to people-pleasing tactics. I feel like sh*t! When I get stuck doing something for someone that I never wanted to do in the first place, but did it anyway out of responsibility or obligation. You know the feeling–you start to get tense, maybe your stomach churns or get a lump in your throat. You start to resent having to do something, again, for this one who always seems to be so good at needing emergency help, or in-a-bind-favors. Over and over again. It gets very exhausting!

Besides your mental and emotional stress, all that tension and resentment is taking a toll on your physical body. Your body is very sensitive to the vibrational frequencies you are emitting through your thoughts and emotions. If your emotions are out of whack–imagine what your poor body is going through??? Pretty soon, you’ll have a reason not to extend any more favors, because your body will create an illness, pain or disease that will prevent you anyway.

I’m NOT saying you can never do something for someone else. Not at all! If you can do something for another person and you can stay aligned and happy in the doing of it–then by all means–follow your heart!! It can be an amazing delight to be a help to another person!

I’m talking about the repetitive cries for help that never seem to end. Sometimes they tend to get bigger and more time-consuming. You’d like to tell them to get their sh*t together and get a life. They are not the center of your world–you are!

If we feel taken advantage of, it time we must learn to set boundaries. Takers tend to step and stomp all over their helper’s lives. Taking no notice of the inconvenience and expense they may cause another. So, setting boundary lines is the only way to stop the abuse.

Setting boundaries is our opportunity to think different thoughts. Obviously, we have attracted the time and energy vampires by our previous vibrational thought patterns and beliefs. We invited people to demand our time and energy by thinking thoughts of our not enough-ness. Beliefs that we must serve others before our own needs and desires. That being selfish with my time and resources is wrong. That it is better to give than receive! Thinking, if I can just change my behavior enough to please him/her, then I will be appreciated and accepted. Bullpucky!!

You can’t keep serving from an empty pitcher. Self-care is necessary and life-sustaining. Time and resources are solely ours to keep or share at our bidding. Giving and receiving are two sides of the exact same coin–they are equal! We can never change our behavior enough to please anyone for any length of time–because they are always changing what they want us to be, according to their whim of the day.

When someone is truly in need and we can feel good while we are performing the favor, then by all means, do it! Delight in serving another. But, never, ever perform a favor for someone if you are doing it out of dread, fear, obligation, guilt, resentment–you get the picture. This attitude will not truly help them or yourself. Only perform favors when you are happy and truly glad to help out. Our alignment with who we really are is the guiding inspiration regarding any action to be performed. If it feels good–do it!

On the other side of this, we may need to question if we are the person who is not appreciating the favors of time and energy someone have given us. Are we the one who constantly demands favors from others? Are we the one who is not appreciating the 99 things people do for us and only remembering that one thing they didn’t do? Are we holding a grudge for that one little thing left undone?

If we are a time and energy vampire, it’s time to focus upon our own alignment with our inner being and let go of the need to control others’ behavior to make us feel better. Feeling better is truly what we are looking for–which only comes through our alignment with our Inner Source. Maybe it’s time to take up our own job of alignment with our inner being and begin thinking in new ways that help us feel better and better. Maybe it’s time to change some beliefs–that others owe us, that we are the center of everyone’s universe, that we are the victim and we can’t help that everyone’s out to get us, that we simply cannot help ourselves.

Look for things to appreciate. If someone is doing something for us, tell them how much we appreciate all their help. Make lists of things we appreciate about our life and the part others play in our experience. Look for positive aspects of all that comes our way.

The more we make the effort to live a life of appreciation, the more the universe feels this new shift in vibration and will bring us more things to appreciate! Remember and make a list of all the 99 things done for us. As we focus appreciation for the 99 things, we’ll not even remember the one that didn’t get done. It won’t even matter!

All is Well!!

MAP 12-2015 rev

~ Mary Ann Pack

YOUR Life & Wellness Coach





Stress Relief 101

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” ~William James

We tend to think of stress as coming from outside sources. You may recognize some of the following statements about stress.

This situation with him stresses me out!

I’m going through a stressful week at work.

I’m so stressed out over finances.

Driving in traffic stresses me to rage!

You get the idea.

Pure and simple, stress is resistance–resistance against something we don’t like or something we may not want to do, but feel obligated or responsible to fulfill. Resistance against someone who we don’t agree with or don’t like to be around. Stress doesn’t feel good.

In this universe governed by the Law of Attraction where–that which is like unto itself, is drawn–like simply attracts like. When laws are involved, there is no other option. The Law states that like attracts like. The universe is playing a matching game where the rule demands when a vibration is given off, it must, by law, find something that essentially matches the same vibration.

We know that everything is energy–thank you, Albert–and as such, our every thought is energy. We, also, know that energy is in constant motion and gives off vibrations. So, our thoughts are constantly giving off vibrations of different frequencies.

If the universe, by law, is matching each vibration of thought, and if we are thinking we are under stress, doesn’t it stand to reason we have attracted whatever stressors we believe we are suffering, by our own thoughts??

So, if we have attracted the stress by our thoughts, can’t we simply change our thoughts to a different vibrational frequency to gain some relief? I’m so glad you asked! Yes, we can!!

Because we attracted stress by our thoughts, we absolutely can change our thoughts to change our attraction to stressors. We have the power within our thoughts to attract a calm and peaceable life! Ease and flow can be the dominant experience with the right kind of thoughts–thoughts that actually feel good.

Stress is a resistance to something or someone unwanted. Resistant thoughts activate more thoughts of resistance, which attract more resistance. We are now completely stressed out!!

Instead, why not look for positive aspects in an unwanted situation? Remember the saying about everything having a silver lining? Find something, some aspect, to appreciate as you are facing something unwanted, rather than being in resistance. Every time we look for something to appreciate, we are activating our vibrational attraction of more to appreciate!

Every situation is either fulfilling a desire or clarifying a desire. In other words, when we are experiencing something we attracted–because we attract everything that comes to us–it is either fulfilling one of our desires or it is giving us time to clarify the details of a desired improvement.

While we are facing some situation that we see could turn into a stress for us, why not take the opportunity to change our thoughts and find something to appreciate. Even if it’s simply to appreciate the opportunity to decide more clearly what we really do want.

Appreciate that this person has given you the opportunity to clarify an improved vision of your relationships. Appreciate the fact that you have work and want to be successful. Appreciate a characteristic or quality that the person exemplifies–even if it’s that they have nice hair! Appreciate that you have a vehicle and feel yourself gliding on a magic carpet of ease and flow through traffic.

And maybe, just maybe, you may have to say, NO. No, I will not help with this project. No, I will not help you move this weekend. No, son/daughter we are not joining another athletic team that takes away from our family time. No, to the busyness. No, to the hurrying. Just say NO!

We are not here to please others. We are not here to make sure everyone else is happy at the expense of our sanity and well-being. We must stop being people-pleasers! We can never do enough for others to please them all the time. And, there are just too many moving parts to please or control! Resisting our well-being by trying to please everyone else is attracting way to much stress. The more people-pleasing you perform, the more reasons you’ll attract unnecessary stress.

But, we have the power to say no to others, and yes to ourselves, our peace of mind and well-being. Yes to our freedom of choice! Yes to new thought patterns that bring relief.

Yes, this change of attitude and thought patterns take time and practice, but the effort is so worth…YOU!

All is Well!

MAP 12-2015 rev

~ Mary Ann Pack

YOUR Life & Wellness Coach


Unconditional Love or Control?

“Love with conditions is not love–it’s control. True love never demands a condition or behavioral change.” ~Mary Ann Pack

The term, unconditional love, is thrown around a lot, but do we really know what it means?

We hear it between lovers, we hear it in the church pew from the pulpit, we hear it between family and friends, but how often do we really give unconditional love.

How often do we receive unconditional love, for that matter?

Isn’t it more often that we withhold our love unless someone changes their behavior? Let’s be real here. Of course, we love our family members, but don’t we, just a bit, want them to change their behavior so we feel better? Can we whole-heartedly adore and appreciate someone when they are doing something that doesn’t please us? They may even be doing something we deplore.

There seems to be some resistance when we observe someone’s behavior that we disagree with. We don’t like what they are doing or how they are behaving and we still love them, but…. We could love them even more if they would just freakin’ change!

Why do we want them to change? Why do we want conditions to change?

The only reason we want anything is because we think we will feel better by the having of it. Which is great, but why can’t we feel better now, in spite of their behavior or in spite of a conditional change?

When we require someone to change or a condition to improve before we truly love, that is not love, but control. We want to control the conditions, the behavior, the situation and force it into something we want, so we will feel better.

Let’s break it down….

Love could mean a plethora of feelings. Our English language doesn’t distinguish the dimensions of love. We could love a hotdog, love a scenic mountain view, love another person as a friend, or love our lover. These are all at different levels of loving. They encompass different levels of love, but we still have only one word, love. Even so, do we still have desires for any of them to be a little different, so we could enjoy them even more and feel even better?

I sure wish the hotdog was a bit more tender. The scenic mountain view was great, I just wish it could have been a bit more sunny. Friends are great, but that just drives me crazy the way they do that thing they do? And, don’t even get me started on my lover!

Those desires are for improvement from your perspective. They may even be valid improvements, indeed. We may even be able to justify why the improvement is needed. If we talk to someone else about it, they may even readily agree with us. That does need to change! That is seeing through the eyes of control.

Now, let’s take under consideration the word, unconditional. We can simply understand unconditional as limitless compassion, affections not bound by condition, it’s unchanging, complete compassion. No condition matters.

If we must have someone change or a condition to improve before we can wholly love, we are in control, not love. You do this differently and behave this way, then it will make me feel better and I will love you–unconditionally. I must control your behavior to feel lovingly toward you.

I love the idea that unconditional love is complete compassion. Some have the wrong ideas of compassion. Some believe compassion to be feeling the same feelings as another and wanting to help them. Compassion is not feeling the same way as someone else while they’re groveling in complaints. No! Compassion is seeing them lovingly through the eyes of Source with all the unconditional love there is, and not requiring them to change. Compassion is not coming down to their level of pain, it’s staying up on the level of Source and lifting them up higher. Complete compassion is refusing to grovel along side them, and instead, seeing all their potential, perfection and love inside them. They’re simply looking in the wrong place.

When we look at others through the eyes of Source, we are giving unconditional love, we are giving complete compassion. Source never asks us to change to make us worthy of love. We are simply loveable because of who we are. Period.

As extensions of Source Energy, we are worthy of all love. We are One with Source. Source would never look at Itself and demand It changes before love is given! So, we are One with everyone else by extension–why would we ask ourselves to change before we receive love?

Unconditional love and complete compassion are the same thing, just different words.

Maybe it’s time for you to give yourself unconditional love and complete compassion. You may love yourself to a certain degree, but you’re always criticizing yourself. OMG! Why did you do that?! What is wrong with you?! You are so stupid sometimes, I don’t even recognize you! Self-talk like that is demanding yourself to change before you allow yourself  to receive love.

When you notice you are being conditional with your love, stop a moment and ask your Inner Being, What do you think about this person or condition? What do you know about this person or condition? What do you feel about this person or condition? And, then listen!

You already know you feel like crap when you think about what’s bothering you in that other person or condition. That negative feeling is a sure fire way of knowing you are absolutely not thinking, knowing or feeling like your Inner Being–your Source Energy within.

So, look for better-feeling thoughts. Focus your attention on some positive aspects of that person or condition. Go general in your thoughts. Stop being so specific. There’s always a silver-lining. Sometimes, it’s just hidden a bit by the storm clouds of complaining.

We must feel better anyway. We must find a way to think more good-feeling thoughts about the subject–or simply get off the subject entirely! You may have too much momentum going in the wrong direction on that subject to see positive aspects right now. So, turn your attention to something softer and something that does feel good when you think about it.

When you can feel your emotions rising, again, and you are feeling better, this is your indication you are in alignment with Source. When you can hold that better feeling more steadily, now you have the capacity to love without demanding conditions to change. Now, you are giving–and receiving–unconditional love!

If you enjoyed this post, please like, comment and share with your friends and family. Many thanks, in advance!

All is Well!


Mary Ann Pack

YOUR Life & Wellness Coach




2016 New Year’s Resolution of Happiness!

It’s New Year’s Eve!

Looking back over 2015, I can see some major improvements in my life.  I believe I have grown and transformed into more of the person I know I am.  Actually, I believe I’ve simply uncovered and remembered the who-I-really-am part of me—the eternal, pure, positive being.  I’m learning to let go of stuff and just be.

I’m learning that I’m not here to control others and circumstances.  That I attract everything I experience.  If I run into grumpy people, it’s only because I have attracted them.  If I run into delightful folks, it’s because I’ve attracted them.  Every event and experience is from my point of attraction.  No one is doing anything to me.  Everything I experience I created.  Knowing this takes the blame, guilt and victimization out of the equation.  It places everything in my lap of responsibility.

This has actually been great news for me, because my life experience is up to me—and me alone!  It doesn’t matter what’s going on around me, I can choose to still be happy.  I can do this by utilizing my built-in Emotional Guidance System.  This amazing system indicates exactly where my point of attraction is positioning my experiences.  And, it’s easy to use.  It’s all about my feelings.  And, guess what?  We all have this amazing guidance system!

If we can start paying attention to how we feel, we will be able to utilize the system with ease.  Take an assessment of your feelings right now.  Are you feeling good or bad?  Are you full of tension and stress?  Are you feeling really good and happy?  These feelings are your indicators of what kind of attractions you will experience—unless you choose to change those feelings by changing your thoughts.

Of course, there is contrast in life—things we don’t want to see and things we do want to see.  That contrast helps us decide what we want.  When we see something we don’t want, it lets us know what we do want.  When we decided to come into this time-space reality from the non-physical, we knew the contrast would help us decide what we want and how we want to expand.

The expanding part happens every moment of every day.  The asking part of what we want is very easy.  It happens naturally, even without focusing upon it.  Every time we see something we want we shoot rockets of desire into our vibrational escrow account where Source immediately sets in motion the coordinating of cooperative components and prepares our path to receiving it. 

Our only real work is to prepare an environment within our emotions to match what we want.  This emotional vibrational match will indicate to the universe that we are ready to receive what we’ve put into our vibrational escrow account.  We always want something because we believe we will feel better by having it.  So, the better we feel, the more we match everything we want!  How do we do this?  We must learn to think like Source which creates a great feeling!  Source knows us to be unlimited, eternal, creative, pure, positive energy.  Abundance is universal.  When we ask, it is given!  Not sometimes—all the time.  Don’t blame God/Source–as if it’s not his will–or fate because you didn’t get what you wanted.  It’s up to us to match its vibration and allow it into our experience.

How do we know when we are thinking like Source so we can receive all the wonderful things we have put into our vibrational escrow account?

By our feelings!!!  We have the Emotional Guidance System—remember?!  Just by paying attention to how we feel will indicate our thoughts and whether they are a match to what Source is thinking on the same subject.  Remember, each subject is really two subjects: the wanted and the lack of the wanted.

Source never, ever, thinks in terms of lack.  We get to decide if our thoughts are that of Source—thoughts of abundance and appreciation—or thoughts of lack.  Our feelings indicate what we are thinking.  If we are feeling bad, we are not thinking from Source’s point of view—this feels bad because we are not in alignment with Source or what we want.  If we are feeling good, we are thinking in alignment with Source and in harmony with all that we want.

See how easy it is to determine what we are thinking?  We don’t have to monitor every thought.  That would be impossible.  We can, however, monitor the way we feel, right now, right now, right now!

Everything we are thinking about is happening right now.  Whether we’re thinking about the past, present or future, we are thinking about it right now.  It is active in our vibration right now.  And, right now is our point of attraction!

Now, our job is to choose better-feeling thoughts if we are feeling bad.  We are to reach for better-feeling thoughts that bring relief.  Any ease in feelings will bring us closer to all that we want.  No one is here to do this vibrational work for us.  No one is here to bring us happiness or act the way we want them to.  How people act is not our job to control.  It’s really none of our business.  And, we are not here to please other people, either!  That is taking on the role of Source.  We can never fully please anyone.  There will always be something we’re not doing right—for them.  So let that go.  Let Source be their all-in-all.

Our job is to please ourselves—not in an egotistical way—but in an alignment with Source way.  When we are in alignment with the thoughts of Source, we could never do anything that would hurt or harm another—unlike being selfishly egotistical.  Let’s make our resolution this New Year of 2016 to learn to align our thoughts with Source.  Let’s determine to feel better by reaching for better-feeling thoughts of relief.  Let’s begin to learn the art of allowing and put ourselves in the mode of receiving all that we want.

We’ll never get it done and we can never get it wrong.  We cannot reach a place of no return.  Any situation or emotion can be turned around to align with our Inner Being of Source.  We can never get so far off our path, that we cannot return to alignment by changing our perspective.

We need to look for positive aspects of each situation.  Whatever is going on around us, let’s look for positive things we can appreciate.  Sometimes it takes a while to start easily noticing things we appreciate, but they are there.  (I’m preaching to the choir here!)  It takes some work to change our perspective if we’ve practiced finding fault, placing blame or having a victim mentality.  Let’s determine to see things we want.  Let’s rewrite our sad stories into ones of delight and appreciation.

Let’s stop observing what is and look for what can be!  If we focus only on what is, what is will keep repeating over and over in our lives.  Different places, different faces.  We will only keep what is activated in our emotional vibration and that is out of alignment with our Source within.  Everything is happening now—remember?  Let’s look for ways to appreciate aspects of what is and move on to appreciation instead of whining and complaining.

I am totally looking forward to 2016!  With the determination of making how I feel the most important goal in my life, I know that I want to feel good.  I can only accomplish feeling good by creating a vibrational environment of appreciation, love, happiness, fun, excitement, vibrancy, vitality, wellness, etc.  I’m determined to look for things I want to see and make appreciation my priority.  It is my job to choose good-feeling thoughts which produce a good-feeling life experience.  That’s my resolution for 2016!

If you must have a New Year’s Resolution—make your happiness your resolution.  Make feeling good your top priority.  Change your perspectives enough to reach for better-feeling thoughts each and every time you start to notice your Emotional Guidance System indicating a misalignment with your Source Energy within.  Decide to only think on good things that make you feel good.  Find positive aspects of what’s going right in your life.  Write that sh*t down!  Every day!  There is something profound in writing down things you appreciate, are grateful for or things you want—whether it’s resources, relationships, money, time or that perfect job.  It literally changes our brain function.

I love to use the computer to type most of my writing, but I still use a pen and spiral-bound book to physically write in my journals.  There’s something so special about looking back over the journals and reading what I’ve written to see where I’ve grown.  If I’m feeling bad and can’t think of anything good to think about, I read my journals.  It refreshes my memory of all the good and encourages my faith that all is really well!

Go purchase a journal and a special pen.  I name my journals, My Journal of Positive Aspects and My Gratitude Journal.  I have a special pen with purple ink—my favorite color—and named it My Magical Purple Pen of Increase.  Make your writing special.  Try it—you’ll like it!

Meditate and quiet your mind so you can be open to hearing the still small voice of inspiration from your Inner Source.  When inspiration comes, take the action.  No amount of action thrown at what you want will bring it to you—it will only push it further out of your reach.  Action comes only after you have done the vibrational work to align with your Source within!  Action without alignment is exhausting and futile.

Let’s make 2016 a year of happiness.  If you’re into numerology, 2016 is the year of 9—all the digits add up to 9.  It places energy on promoting completion.  Suggesting it’s time to wrap things up and reach a conclusion.  A time to consider what’s not been working for you and begin doing things differently with a new perspective on life.  Enjoy the energy of 2016 with its focus on promoting a positive perspective on life that all is well.  By reaching for better-feeling thoughts and recognizing what would work better for you, determine what you really want from the contrast life is showing you.

Have fun with this!  It’s really exciting to realize empowerment of your life experience.  It’s time to let go of blame, shame, guilt, playing the victim and take responsibility for your own feelings.  It’s time to pull up our big-person panties and smile with their perfect fit!

Laugh, love unconditionally, have fun, explore new things, feel good!  Well-Being is our natural state.  Try it on this year—it feels really good!

All is well–living happily ever after!

If you enjoyed this blog post, please share it with others.  I’d love to hear about your New Year’s Resolution of Happiness!  Please feel free to comment and like.  Thanks in advance!

MAP 12-2015 rev

Mary Ann Pack, YOUR Life & Wellness Coach

PS:  If you have determined to make feeling good your life’s goal and you’d like help, please email me and I’d be overjoyed to give you a complimentary consultation.  I can help you with your life and wellness goals.  My mission is to help you feel good for the rest of your life!  Personal, one-on-one coaching is a great way to invest in your future HAPPY YOU!

PPS:  If you like what you’re reading and it resonates with your soul, you can find more teachings from my mentor, Abraham-Hicks.